The Art Of Being Irreplaceable
by seek-to-enchant121584
Summary: Lois has a problem with her new boyfriend and needs to get rid of him. It's going to take more than the conventional methods. She requires the help of our resident superhero in a way that neither are looking forward to. But will it lead to something more? Lois/Clark. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note – Well, here I am now entering Smallville territory. What can I say? I like to dabble in a little bit of everything. I know it seems _highly_ unlikely that Lois would ever land herself in a situation such as this, but please just go with me on this one. I did my best to make it believable. Although, I am sorta nervous as to how you all will like it. It'll make for a good read, I assure you.

Music selections – 'Irreplaceable' by Beyonce, 'You can count on me' by Default, 'Get over yourself' by Eden's Crush, 'If you had my love' by Jennifer Lopez.

Disclaimer – Don't own Smallville or any related material.

The Art of Being Irreplaceable: Chapter 1

"Smallville, please help me." Lois pleaded, tagging along behind Clark as he left the counter at the Talon and walked toward the door.

"I've already told you, no. Not with this. How'd you come up with this plan, anyway?" Clark said as he walked out the door with Lois close behind.

"Just listened to 'Irreplaceable' on the radio. What can I say? I was inspired." Lois stated. "Believe me, I didn't want to ask you, but you're the only one around here that could make it believable."

"Just kick him out, Lois. You are, well, _you_ after all. Shouldn't be that hard." Clark stated matter-of-factly.

"Very funny." Lois said humorlessly. "If it were as simple as that I would have done it already. You don't know Kyle like I do. The man is a leech. Just agree, Smallville. I'm not leaving this idea, or you, alone until you do." Lois said, jogging ahead of him and halting his progress, giving him her patented stare.

Rolling his eyes and sighing despairingly, he said "Fine, Lois."

"Great!" she said, clapping her hands together once. She then held her arm out and gestured toward the Talon. "Let's go back inside and I'll give you all the details."

Shaking his head as he followed her back inside, he couldn't help but wonder why he always gave in to Lois.

oooooowooo*oooooososo

"So, just stick close by and when you see us come out arguing, which we no doubtingly will be, start to make your way over. He's so full of himself, he thinks he's God's gift to women and that there's no replacing him. He will say as such at some point. Probably more than once. So try and time it to one of those comments. He'll be beside himself when he sees you. Always been jealous of you, for some reason." Lois said, saying the last part more to herself.

The two had been sitting at the kitchen table in her apartment for over two hours going over the plan, both leaning back in their chairs with their feet propped up on the table. It was now nearing nightfall.

"It was so easy for him to win me over. He was new in town. A real charmer. Had nowhere to go and took advantage of Chloe's recent move." She paused to scowl bitterly. Chloe had decided to take the next step with Jimmy and they'd moved in together. Lois had finally had the apartment to herself once again. However, a week later Kyle had drifted into town and won over just about every woman in town. That included her.

"He had no car and was living in a hotel room when he first asked me out. He said and did all the right things and not even two weeks after he'd entered Smallville, he was moving into Chloe's space. And all was well…for about a week. Said he was looking for a job. Yet every time I walked through that door, there he was on the couch, watching TV or playing on my PS2. Said he'd move out once he was stable. It's been almost a month now, Smallville, and he's driving me crazy." Lois finished, fuming.

"Alright, Lois. We've been over this already. I already knew he was a slacker and a player. No one needed to tell me that obvious fact." Clark said simply in an attempt to change the subject.

"Yes, yes I know. You're such a great judge of character and everything." Lois said sarcastically.

"Maybe I am. I'm still friends with you, aren't I?" Clark answered honestly, although the comment did sting ever so slightly.

"Well…you've got a good point. Not many friends of mine last this long. It isn't an easy task." She conceded after a moment. Finally realizing their similar postures, Lois dropped her feet to the floor and rested her chin on her fists, staring at Clark intently. What was it about him that put her completely at ease? She hadn't felt this relaxed in weeks. Must be that she was finally getting Kyle out of her hair. Yeah, that must be it.

Unable to stand her stare, Clark shifted uncomfortably. "What?" he asked.

Shaken from her thoughts, she stated "You'll need to wear something different." Gesturing to his blue t-shirt and red jacket. "Not that what you're wearing isn't completely charming and irresistible looking…" Lois trailed off sarcastically.

Clark let his head fall back and sighed, exasperated. He knew she'd get around to mentioning his clothes eventually.

"What do you suggest, Lois? Hopefully nothing too dramatic. I do still have to live here." Clark said monotonously.

"Oh, no. Nothing extreme. Just wear a white t-shirt instead. You do own colors other than blue and red, don't you?" Lois said, a mock-worried expression on her face. Ignoring his glare, she continued. "And black boots if you've got 'em. Yeah, that'll be about right. I'm sure you'll totally rock 'the' outfit." She mumbled the last sentence more to herself than to Clark. He heard regardless.

"Wait. What's the outfit?" Clark asked, dropping his feet to the floor and leaning forward curiously.

"You know, the white t-shirt, blue jeans, and boots. Black or brown boots, either color works. It's sort of like…you know what? Nevermind." She trailed off at his blank stare.

"You should probably be headed home soon. I'd offer you a ride, but no car. Kyle usually stays out later on Friday's, but he should be getting home soon. I'd rather you not be here. So, see you sometime tomorrow, then?" she said to break the silence.

"Yeah. Mom's probably getting worried. I told her I'd only be gone a few hours. Just a walk to town." Clark replied, standing up. He neglected to tell her that it only took seconds for him to get home if he ran. Lois stood as well. She trailed behind as he walked over to the door.

Once he got to the door and opened it, he moved to leave but felt a hand on his arm one step out the door. He turned slightly to look at Lois, who had a grateful, yet weary, expression on her face.

"I just wanted to say…thanks, Smallville. It means a lot to me that you're doing this. I know what it's gonna look like to everyone else in town. I'll try and not cause too much of a scene." she said, a genuine half-smile on her face.

Clark was sort of surprised by Lois's attitude but smiled in return. She rarely ever expressed her gratitude as such. "I know. Goodnight, Lois." he said. Both just stood there, unable to look away. Lois was the first to break away.

She released his arm and looked down as he continued out the door and onto the landing. He was halfway down the stairs when she replied quietly.

"Goodnight, Clark." she said.

oooooowoo*ooooooosoo

A/N – What do you think so far? I hope that Lois and Clark aren't too out of character. This is my first time writing Smallville fanfiction, so I hope it's up to standard. Feel free to comment or ask questions, it gives me a rush. Kinda like getting a 95 or better on a really challenging chemistry exam. Until next time…


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note – Well, here it is. I also borrowed a scene from Lois and Clark: the Adventures of Superman from back in the day. Kudos to those who discover it.

Music suggestions – 'Cold (Acoustic)' by Crossfade, 'Your disease (acoustic)' by Saliva, 'All these things I hate (revolve around me)' by Bullet for my Valentine.

Disclaimer – Nope, still don't own Smallville. I don't think I could handle it if I did.

Chapter 2

The next day dawned early for Clark. With an ever-present amount of chores to do about the farm, his thoughts were occupied by manual labor. He chose to work a little slower to pass the time as well as giving him an excuse not to think of what he had to do later that day.

His mother, ever-observant, had noticed the change in pace and grew concerned.

"Clark? Is something wrong?" Martha asked when Clark had come in for a break later that morning.

"No. Why do you ask?" Clark answered evasively, sipping from the glass of orange juice Martha had set in front of him when he sat down.

"Perhaps it's because you have yet to finish your chores. Any other day and you'd be long finished by now." Martha said as she sat down next to him at the table and gave him a stern look. "This wouldn't have anything to do with why you were so late yesterday? Something to do with Lois?" she ventured.

"Yes." he replied. And since she was bound to find out anyway, Clark related the entire plan to his mother.

"Are you sure about this, Clark?" Martha asked him once he was finished. He nodded. "Do you care about her?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't agree to something like this if I didn't." Clark answered, confused by the question.

"No. I mean as in…love." Martha said slowly.

"What?" Clark said, surprised. "Of course not…no. I mean…I still have chores. Better get them done so I won't be late. We have a certain time and place set up for me to be at. So, I'll just go." Clark said, stumbling over his words, backing out of the kitchen door and super-speeding once he'd opened the screen door.

Martha smiled softly as she took a drink of her coffee. The seed was planted. Now all it needed was a little persuasion. She only hoped Lois was up to the task.

ooooooaooo*ooooovooo*oooooososo

Once Clark reached the barn, he climbed the stairs to his loft and stared out at he endless fields that lay before him. Leaning on the railing, his thoughts drifted. Why _was_ he doing this for Lois? This wasn't merely to save someone's life, which he would do for anyone if it were within his power to do so. The guy didn't physically endanger Lois's well being, but rather tested her short strand of patience, which he himself was known to do on occasion. So, why was he getting himself involved in Lois's personal love life once again? Was it some unconscious way of informing himself that he cared for Lois as more than a friend? Lord knew he didn't mind kissing her.

However, it could only spell trouble trying to pursue a relationship with her. No. This wasn't about his feelings for Lois. This was merely a favor, a huge favor at that. As he'd told her the day before, he never liked Kyle. So, getting rid of the guy would leave both him and Lois better off. With that thought, he turned and finished the few remaining chores he had left.

Quickening his pace, Clark soon finished what was left and went in the house to shower and get ready. After stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist, he walked over to the mirror and wiped the condensation from it. Staring at his reflection steadily, he used his heat vision to laser off any stubble from his face and then brushed his teeth.

Satisfied with his reflection, he walked out of the bathroom and to his bedroom to get dressed. Eyeing the outfit he'd laid out, Clark looked at the boots lying on the floor. They were the ones he'd acquired as Kal. And as he was searching for the boots the night before, he found another article of clothing from his stint as Kal that could only benefit their cause. Not to mention he couldn't wait to see the look on Lois's face. So despite his feelings towards that point in his life, they were the only things he had that fit Lois's description aside from the shirt. So, putting those thoughts aside, he moved over to the outfit and began to get dressed.

oooooowooo*ooooovoooo*oooooocooo

Lois paced about the window that showed her the back alley, looking for a sign that Clark had arrived. He was to wait just out of sight from where her car was usually parked and make his way to the front once Kyle had returned and was inside.

Kyle had left that morning in her car going only Lord knew where. She was positive, however, that she wouldn't like it if she knew. She'd packed up the few things he owned once he left. They were now sitting in the two cardboard boxes by the front door. He usually returned between two and three in the afternoon, so she expected a taxi to arrive by 2:30. She only hoped for a little luck that Kyle played to his usual habits.

Passing by the window once again, she paused when she saw a figure approaching. Due to the shadow that seemed to cling to him, she didn't get a good glimpse of Clark as he sent a little wave in her direction as he continued down the alley. Looking at her watch, she noted that it was close to 2:15. Clark was cutting it pretty close. She'd have to berate him about that later.

Deciding it was best to look calm and relaxed, Lois sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Flipping through the channels, she didn't even notice the time fly by until she heard the knob on the door turning. Starting slightly, she stood from the couch and put a lid on all her emotions. A cool, detached look settled on her features. Showtime.

oooooooaoo*oooooovooo*ooooooxooo

A/N – I know, I still haven't given you the 'irreplaceable' scene. So here's the filler scene which leads to the part where she kicks him out. Also, just so I don't leave you all in suspense, the L&C scene is the shaving by heat vision. Congrats to those who got it right. I hope you all have enjoyed reading. If you have a comment, let me know what you think; it let's me know someone's actually reading my story. Until next time…


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note – It's been too long, almost a month! I can't believe that much time has passed since I last updated this story. I hope you all haven't given up on me. I am still here. And here is the final installment, at last! I'm still not entirely satisfied with the ending, but I figured I've held out on you long enough. Enjoy!

Music suggestions – 'You give love a bad name' by Bon Jovi, 'Back in black' by AC/DC, 'What I want' by Daughtry, 'Bleed for me' by Saliva, 'Anything' by JoJo.

Disclaimer – Nope, don't own Smallville.

Chapter 3

Clark listened in on the conversation above with his superhearing, waiting for the exact time to make his move. The fact that he was able to keep an eye, well ear, on Lois to make sure she was alright was beside the point.

Hearing footsteps on the stairs, he started walking slowly to the front of the building. He could already see the cab waiting. At least things were going well so far. All that was left was to send Kyle on his way.

Clark leaned against the brick wall casually, waiting for Lois and Kyle to appear. He heard them before he saw them.

"You're making a big mistake here, baby." Kyle spat out as Lois shooed him out of the building. "There's no other guy from this planet that's gonna accept a vindictive, self-righteous, opinionated female like you."

A wry smile appeared on Clark's face at that comment. Kyle was hitting closer to the truth than he knew.

"Baby!?" Lois screamed out, seeming to completely disregard all of the other comments. "Where the hell do you get off…" she trailed off, forcing herself to take a deep breath. She was in control, after all. And as to the no other man that would want her…

"You're far from being irreplaceable, _baby._" Lois finished, putting emphasis on the last word, turning it against him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kyle asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowing.

"That I've found a new man. A real man. And he'll be here any minute." Lois said smugly, looking down at her watch to emphasize the point.

Clark stood up from the wall and started walking towards Lois.

Every eye was drawn to him as he made his way through the crowd, closer to Lois. He avoided everyone's gaze as he passed them. He knew he was dressed a little differently, but was all the staring really necessary?

Lois noticed the change of expression on Kyle's face and turned around slowly, an eyebrow raised. Her interest was peaked. She knew it was Smallville, but the slack-jawed, absolutely priceless look on Kyle's face must mean something drastic.

Once she was facing him, she swore her heart stopped beating for a few moments and that time seemed to slow down. She knew he was hot – she had seen him naked, after all – but damn. The way he was looking at her and the way his hair fell in his eyes, it was as if he couldn't wait to get her alone…and where did he get that jacket? It was black. Black _leather_. It made him look even more dark and mysterious. As for the rest of him, the jeans almost looked like a second skin and the black boots looked like motorcycle boots. What reason would he have to buy, let alone own, motorcycle boots? The point being, she didn't know he had it in him to dress like sex incarnate.

One thing she knew, she couldn't wait until she got to stand behind him.

"Clark." Lois sang out, regaining her senses and jogging up to him, throwing her arms around him and jumping onto him. He caught her and spun her around once before placing her back on her feet, a smile lighting up his face.

Clark then looked at Kyle darkly while Lois turned slightly in his embrace and glared at Kyle as well.

"You can go now." Lois said flatly to Kyle, dismissing him.

Not waiting for his reply, she took Clark's hand and led him back inside the Talon. And, of all things, Clark winked at Kyle conspiratorially as he passed. Both missed the completely flabbergasted expression on Kyle's face as he climbed into the cab.

"Hurry up, he'll probably look up at the window before he goes." Lois said, tugging at Clark's hand as she dashed up the stairs to her apartment. He let her drag him along.

Bursting through the half-open door, she led him over to the window in question. The curtains were drawn back slightly and sure enough, the cab was still sitting there with Kyle staring up at the window, as if he were expecting something else.

Pretending as if it were happening naturally, Lois placed her hands underneath the shoulders of the jacket and pushed it off Clark's shoulders. As it fell to the floor, her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her hands went for his hair.

Since he was just standing there being awkward, Lois said against his ear "Play along, Smallville. It's not over yet."

Breathing a deep sigh to calm his nerves, Clark leaned his head down to her neck, brushing her hair aside with one hand, and placed featherlight kisses along her neck. His arms wrapped around her sides, placing his hands on her lower back. He didn't think Lois would tolerate anything below that. Especially after that incident with Bizarro.

Peeking over Clark's head, Lois noticed that the cab was _still_ there. It was time for the kill. She just hoped she survived the ordeal with her brain function intact.

"Think you can handle something a little more intense?" Lois asked, her fingers tightening against his scalp.

"Think you can?" Clark whispered against her neck, feeling bold. Hell, he already knew what effect they had on each other.

Lois shivered at the sensation and paused a moment before answering. Did he just say what she thought he just said?

"Of course." Lois replied, pulling his head away from her neck and looking at him squarely.

"Ready?" he asked, leaning his forehead against hers. She took a deep breath and nodded, unable to speak.

Tilting his head slightly, Clark let his lips press lightly against hers. He felt her sigh and tightened his arms around her, pulling her in closer to his body and increasing the pressure of his lips.

Lois responded in kind by taking her hands from his hair and wrapping her arms around him while she shifted her body so her legs were open wide enough for him to pull her up onto him if he wished. She was surprised she couldn't remember making out with Clark. Because at the present, the sensations that were coursing through her veins was something she was sure she'd never forget. It felt absolutely amazing. Who knew the farmboy could be such an expert kisser?

And she discovered, with a shock when she felt his tongue run gently across the seam of her lips, that she didn't want it to end. Quite the opposite, actually. She granted him access by opening her mouth and her tongue darted out to meet his, drawing it back with her into her mouth.

Bringing one of her hands around to the front of his shirt, Lois tugged him forward until they backed into the wall next to the window. Once she felt the wall behind her, she leapt up into Clark's arms and continued to kiss him with renewed fervor. The momentum of her action led to Clark leaning against her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Both failed to realize that they were no longer in front of the window and that this was no longer part of an act.

Moments later, it started to rain. A light shower that progressed slowly into a torrential downpour. It was quite some time later that a loud crash of thunder alerted the pair of the thunderstorm wrecking havoc on Smallville.

Both started and pulled back slightly. Staring at each other openly, they just stayed in that position-Clark's body cradled between Lois's legs, pressing her up against the wall in a way that neither was at all uncomfortable with.

Looking embarrassed at how far things had progressed and for how long, Clark finally eased Lois back down on her feet and looked out the window.

"Well, Kyle is finally gone." Clark said sheepishly, yet obviously, to break the tension.

"Yeah, he is." Lois replied, looking down at the floor and breathing a sigh to calm her racing heartbeat. Not able to get the image of Clark between her legs out of her head, she looked back up. Maybe she wouldn't mind as much as she thought if he grabbed her ass again. "That's great." Lois continued nonchalantly, motioning Clark closer. "Could you come back over here for a minute?"

"What, Lois?" Clark asked as he took the few steps back to Lois.

"Wanna help me celebrate?" Lois asked, a suggestive grin on her lips.

ooooozoooo*oooooovooo

A/N – I am kind of unsure about the ending. I figured I'd break it off there and leave it up to you on how far they went. I hope you all liked it. Drop me a line, if you wish. I'd really like to know what you all think. Anyway, see you all elsewhere…WBL.


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